Am I the one behind door number 1, door number 2, door number 3, or perhaps door number 4?
If you read my book “The Jesus Team” I brought the subject up in chapter 7. Thee darkest part of my past. I have felt guided once again to address the subject. It’s that of abortion. Still not the easiest subject to write or speak about for me, yet with God, Jesus, and the Holy Spirit by my side, I’m stepping out again, to help heal a soul, or 3, or more, maybe it’s yours. Or maybe it’s to continue to heal mine by helping someone else. Today I’m going to expand on my experience.
When I was 15 I was pregnant with my first child. I gave birth to my baby girl just after I turned 16. At the time it was suggested for me to have an abortion. My Mom firmly said “We’re Catholic, we don’t believe in abortion!”, and that was the end of that discussion. That baby girl is now a beautiful lady who has given me 6 gorgeous grand-babies. I married the father of that daughter and went on to have a son with him a few years later. That marriage ended in divorce. I’ll chalk a lot of that up to being so young when we married, which was the month before I turned 17. Together, separated, together, and separated again all within 3 years. Our divorce was finalized 4 years afterwards, that probably would have happened sooner only I had to once again establish legal residency back in Ohio.
As I was establishing that residency I had begun dating another guy who turned out to be or into a drug dealer. Oh yes, I got caught up in that lifestyle too. I was no Suzi-innocent. At the time that he and I were breaking up I found out I was pregnant with my third child. I thought were we trying to patch things up, yet it was simply a ploy to help him get custody of his twins from his first marriage. He moved out of state with the promise to send for me and the kids, but that never happened. I gave birth to my third child, another daughter, while he went on to marry someone else.
Fast forward through a couple more ‘dark’ years of my life and I met the man I am now married to, we’ve been married for almost 32 years. We had only been dating for a couple of months when low and behold I am pregnant again. Well, that wasn’t going to be convenient. At the time I didn’t tell him I was pregnant. I borrowed the money and had an abortion. All tucked away quietly in my mind. Something like that didn’t just go away for me though. It was buried for a long time, festering. Yet I felt shamed into silence. Was I hypocrite #1, 2, 3, or 4?
Door #1 ~ I was the girl that was told ‘we don’t believe in abortion’. So okay, I don’t believe in abortion.
Door #2 ~ Then I moved along on my journey of life and behind door number 2 was the idea of “I’d never have an abortion, but I support your right to have one”.
Door #3 ~ Oh this pregnancy isn’t convenient at all. This is legal and accepted by society, so i’ll have an abortion.
Door #4 ~ Abortion is killing a child of God.
So I have come full circle. Only it’s not that I ‘don’t believe in abortion’, unfortunately I believe it exists. We play right along with the temptations that lay before us. I believe it’s an evil that plays right along with our society into the hands of the evil one, something that is deemed acceptable which truly crushes our morality, an ugliness that can creep into our soul. I was lazy in the spiritual battle. But how could I know it was a spiritual battle? I was so far away from God. How could I know that it was a battle for my soul, one that I didn’t even know existed? If the evil one can find a little wiggle room to get in or whisper half truths in your ear it can happen. Society has been harmed by this plague.
Then I found complete love and forgiveness from our heavenly Father.
Remember W.W.J.D. (What Would Jesus Do)? I’m pretty sure He wouldn’t say, yeah go ahead kill that child of God, it’ll all get worked out. That’s the evil one at work, whispering in our ears. Yet, I do believe that the Holy Trinity, God the Father, Jesus Christ, and the Holy Spirit will seek the hearts and minds of those caught up in this spiritual battle. To bring you, me, us, them, all back to wholeness. The wound in your heart may not have healed yet, God can help with that, it’s time to reach out.
Perhaps I am no hypocrite about abortion. Perhaps I really truly found God. Don’t be afraid to change your mind, because all lives matter to God, even the pre-born!
Blessed to finally admit “I AM PRO-LIFE”
“The Catholic Church is perhaps the only institution which has never minimalized the grave sin which is abortion.”
Pope John Paul II “Do not give in to discouragement, and do not lose hope.” Is it possible that life can go on after such an “unspeakable crime?”
A general and no less serious responsibility [John Paul II continues] lies with those who have encouraged the spread of an attitude of sexual permissiveness and a lack of esteem for motherhood, and those who should have ensured—but did not— effective family and social policies in support of families
“Finally,” he concludes, “one cannot overlook the network of complicity which reaches out to include international institutions, foundations and associations which systematically campaign for the legalization and spread of abortion in the world”
“Try rather to understand what happened and face it honestly. If you have not already done so, give yourselves over with humility and trust to repentance. The Father of mercies is ready to give you His forgiveness and His peace in the Sacrament of Reconciliation.”
Grace be with you on your journey
~ Suziangel224 ~ D.O.G. ~ The Jesus Team